Our Two Sense: Friendship Struggles

Sophie Schmidt and Astrid Foster|October 7, 2021

Question:

I’m frustrated with a friend and don’t want to hurt their feelings but I feel smothered by them and don’t know what to do.

Dear Reader,

Our biggest advice is this: reflect on your situation, then communicate your feelings to your friend.

When going through a tough situation with a close and valued friend, it is important to fully understand your own thoughts before sharing them.

Think about this: what specifically is the problem? Why do you feel it is a problem? What do you want them to know about how you are feeling? What do you want the outcome of your situation to be?

If you know what you are looking for the result to be before you talk to them, you’ll have an easier time communicating and will only have to address the situation once, instead of being unsatisfied with your result.

For your particular situation: do you want to stay close with them? Do you want to ask them for some space for a while? Make sure you know what you want before you talk to your friend.

Next, communicate: communication is imperative for improving your relationships.

When you talk to your friend, be sure to be honest—but remember: they have feelings too. Be careful not to accuse them.

Instead of putting the blame on them with “you” statements, use “I feel” statements instead. We know this feels childish, but it is a genuinely effective strategy. Think about how you would feel if a close friend approached you in the same way—how would you want to hear what they are feeling?

Lastly: once you have expressed your feelings, make sure they have a chance to express their thoughts as well. A friendship goes both ways, so it’s important for both people to have input.

Additionally, there might be a backstory to the situation that we don’t know. Maybe your friend is experiencing a struggle of their own—feeling excluded by other friends or needing support from a trusted peer. If you listen, then at the end of the conversation you will both have a better understanding of each other, leading to a more effective solution.

Remember, your feelings are valid, but so are the feelings of others. You are not alone in your friendship struggles, and there are people here to support you.

And that’s our two sense.

-Sophie and Astrid

About the Writers

Sophie Schmidt, Staff Writer

As a first-year journalist, Sophie Schmidt is excited to learn about all things interviewing, investigating, and writing. She hopes the lessons that she learned in her fifth grade newspaper elective (in which they printed the school ‘newspaper’ on bright white printer paper) will contribute to her journalistic success this year. A senior at Jesuit high school, Sophie is passionate about social justice issues, primarily climate justice. This fuels her role as a Green Team leader at Jesuit. She hopes to continue her learning and activism about social justice at the Jesuit Chronicle. Sophie spends most of her time rowing on the Willamette river with her club team which gives her a special appreciation for the days she uses to binge-watch Netflix. She also loves to read and spend time in the beautiful Oregon outdoors, especially if she’s next to a body of water. An avid traveler and tryer of new things, Sophie hopes these qualities will help her in seeking out the best stories for the Jesuit community. While she writes her articles this year, you can expect that Sophie will simultaneously be trying to get her one year-old dog to curl up in her lap.

Astrid Foster, Staff Writer

Astrid Foster is a Senior at Jesuit high school. While this is her first year taking journalism, she is excited to learn. Aside from journalism, she has been dancing in some capacity since she was 5 years old. Right now she dances ballet at Open Space Dance. She is also part of the Jesuit Green Team and a Students Demand Action Leader. These mean many of her influences come from sustainability, social justice, and politics. In her free time she enjoys reading both the news and for slightly less serious moods other books as well. On the side she enjoys fashion, and showing up to events in brightly colored outfits. Through working on the newspaper, Astrid hopes to learn more about what goes into creating a newspaper and to engage the Jesuit community in meaningful conversations around important issues.